Entries tagged 'author:steeph' (Page 1)

How I'm Dreaming Now

Entry created on 2025-12-17 (edited 2026-01-04) Authors: steeph (376) Categories: Dreams (4) Lucid Dreaming (12) Personal (13) incomplete (22) edit

This will probably become one of those posts here that will stay unfinished for long without getting to the point. But I'll try not to care. But if I want to be able to finish it at some point I have to start it first.

Lucid Dreaming (I'll not include a definition here. But there are different ones.) was one of the subjects I spent years intensively studying. Both by reading and by experimenting with my own dreams. Most of my experimenting was about trying out different induction techniques. My success wasn't greater than that of most people attempting to learn to dream lucidly at will. Most give up without much success. I was too interested and not blinded by exaggerated claims enough to stop after a few months. To be honest and complete, I did stop after a few months and not as much success as I wished for. But after a pause of a few years my newfound interest in the subject was greater, lasted longer and lead to a deeper dive into the literature, science and culture of lucid dreaming. I hung out in the largest German-language lucid dreaming web forum and connected chats and TeamSpeak gatherings a lot. I read every recommended book on the topic, then continued with every mentioned book, then went to find even more on my own (and then stopped because most newly published "ebooks" on the topic at the time were of very low quality). I visited meetups, started the German-language podcasst together with Zitrom.I've tested and compared a lot of dream diary software (most, actually), filled books of physical dream diaries and built my own dream diary software. I took part in a project to fix up the German-language lucid dreaming wiki, assisted in research, edited and translated texts, helped fund projects, tried assisting tech and drugs, wrote articles for several blogs in the field, and so on.

I've also looked at every published lucid dream induction technique in 2014 that I could find in German and English sources, compared and categorised them and wrote and overview about them. I've tried many of them for four to six weeks at a time and picket out some for more experiments. This is probably the part most people who take an interest in lucid dreaming are mainly interested in: How to increase the rate of lucid dreams and improve their quality? I don't necessarily have any better answers to that than others. But I have a few years of experience of and for my own.

I've always struggled to keep my mind free enough from stress to be able to accomplish much in my hobbies (or anything beside my day job) when I'm working full-time. So while I'm working full-time (I am and have been since I stopped my intense occupation with the topic of lucid dreaming) I don't have any advances over any other motivated and interested person. But I did collect some experience in some key abilities that help to increade lucid dreaming rate. When I want to remember my dreams (and am not super-stressed and distracted), I do. When I have free time and sleep in I remember my dreams if I intenmd to or not. This is a good jump start to using my dreams for insight or lucdid reaming attempts. Every now and then I gain insight in the fact that I'm dreaming without trying, even in times where I'm not interested in my dreams at all. It's just something that happens in my dreams now. It can be part of the plot of a non-lucid dream, or I realise more of the possibilities that my dreaming state opens for decisions in that moment, or I have a full lucid dream worth taking a place in one of my dream diaries. Either of those are usually fun or at least interesting.

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The fucked up films that I like

Entry created on 2025-12-03 (edited 2026-01-04) Authors: steeph (376) Categories: Drama (1) Films (22) Trageties (1) edit

There are many different films that I like. But among those I value the most and left impressions in my life are noticably many of a sort I struggled to describe in the past. Since I write about Films here almost as much as I talk about them I thought an attempt at a description of what films I enjoy might be relevant to the blog.

I don't know why - and I'm not interested in analysing why - but I enjoy watching heavy family dramas. I mean real dramas, not just films that are less comedy than drama. Films that manipulate the tear glands right. It doesn't have to be about a whole family either. The absence of one or a dysfunctioning family works as well. Story components that often work well for the sort of drama that I mean are injustice, unfair treatment, underdogs that don't get theit wishes fulfilled, life circumstances outside of someone's reach, tragedies. Child characters are easy to write into several of these circumstances. And it's easier to provoke strong empathy for them. Similarly, sad things that happen to them are usually more sad. For example a child of a heroin-addicted single mom doesn't choose its life circumstances. It's unfair, it's sad and circumstances are more likely to lead to another tragic event on top of the difficulties inherent the child's fateful situation. Love stories can also create strong feelings and evoke tears. But the best ones still use tragic story elements to get there. ("Oh, would they only know...") Sickness, death, child abuse, mental illness and accitents are resourceful and, in my opinion complementary and seldom extreme enough, story elements for dramas.

It might sound weird to enjoy watching other (fictional characters') misery as entertainment because crying feels good. And it sounds just as weird to me when I say it like that. But when it comes down to it, that's what it is that puts a film on my list of relevant, good dramas. Tragic situations with tragic developments and tragic outcomes. Scenes specifically written to pull at your heartstrings. My heartstrings let themseves be pulled by such scenes, even when the story seems excessively sad or annecessarily tragic to some. A film where you're not surprised that it doesn't have a happy ending is the sort of dramna that I enjoy. A film where you're not surprised by the fact that it doesn't have a happy ending but by how suprprisingly tragic it is has a good chance to maske it on my list of favourite films.

It's not that I enjoy seeing the misfortune or pain of others. It hurts to watch some movies. And when I learn that the movie was actually based on a true story it can hit even harder. But in some weird way, the distress caused by a tragic drama, making me not touch dramas at all for weeks or months or making me have bad dreams, and the excitement from watching a tragic drama, making me want to watch more, are the same feeling. The difference lies in my (current) ability to cope with the feelings.

This post is some sort of confession. I don't always feel comfortable explaining what sort of drama stories I'm looking for most. I put this reluctance aside for a few moments for writing this post. Maybe this will help me in the future to explain better what I'm looking for or what I like to watch. And if not, at least now you know and can recommend relevant media when the opportuunity comes.

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Digitaler Unabhängigkeitstag

Entry created on 2025-12-29 Authors: steeph (376) Categories: Addiction (1) Amazon (1) Digital Independence Day (1) Fediverse (2) Instagram (1) TikTok (1) Twitter (2) YouTube (1) Languages used: de (90) edit

Auszüge aus (m)einem Thread im Fediverse

Am 04.01. (kommenden Sonntag) ist der erste #DigitalIndependenceDay (#DUT). di.day

Ich finde das eine gute Idee, z.B. regelmäßig über freie Alternativen zu schädlichen Plattformen, etc. zu sprechen. Aber ich kann ja auch jetzt schon mal fragen:

Abgesehen vom Empfehlen, Stärken und Verbessern von freier Software und freien, dezentralen Plattformen, was gehört zu einem Wechsel weg von YouTube, Twitter, Amazon, usw. dazu? Wie kann ein Wechsel erfolgreich gestaltet werden? Das Thema hat ja auch eine riesige psychologische Komponente. Ein Wille, ein Weg, ein Entschluss und tausend Gelegenheiten reichen ja oft nicht aus. Wie kann man sich selbst und Freunden helfen, Abhängigkeiten von den Millardärsnetzwerken dauerhaft zu lösen?

Zum Beispiel habe ich kein Problem, auf die direkte Nutzung von YouTube zu verzichten. Invidious und Co. haben Probleme. Aber ich sehe die Umwichtigkeit der Videos, die ich von dort zur Unterhaltung konsumiere und finde immer eine Möglichkeit, ein Video zu laden, das mich wirklich interessiert oder das ich wichtig finde. Wie kommt man von der angenehmen Gewohnheit, der quasi hundertprozentigen Verfügbarkein von YouTube-Videos mit leider gut funktionierendem Algorythmus und Autonext zu der ständigen Akzeptanz, auf diese immer greifbare Gratifikation zu verzichten?

Muss nicht die Impulskontrolle, das Bewusstsein für Suchtmechanismen und ein insgesamt ausgeglichenes Leben zuerst kommen, bevor jemand Instagram und TikTok deinstalliert?

Am Samstag möchte ich mit jemandem über diese Fragen sprechen. Aber ich habe nichts als Phrasen und kaum übertragbare eigene Erfahrungen. Die Person hat schon ein Mastodon-Konto und wünscht sich 1-zu-1-Alternativen zu YouTube, Instagram und mehr. Die ans Fediverse angeschlossenen Lösungen, die es aktuell gibt erfüllen den Konsumdrang im Alltag nicht wie gewohnt. Ich würde mich so freuen, in den nächsten Wochen auch ein Post mit #DUTgemacht aus ihr heraus zu bekommen.

Ich begrüße jegliche Gedanken(-Ansätze) zu diesen und ihnen nahen Themen.

Wenn ich rational verstehe, das eine Technologie ungesund und demokratiefreindlich, etc. ist und es dann nicht schaffe sie nicht zu nutzen, grenzt das an Suchtverhalten. Das Erkennen dieses Musters kann den Impuls auslösen das Verhalten zu ändern.

Es ist gesellschaftlich akzeptiert und ein Stück weit normal, süchtig nach modernen Medien zu sein. Meta und Alpha stecken sehr viel Geld in die Steigerung des Suchtpotentials mancher Dienste. Sicherlich hast du recht. Aber ich schätze, dass das trotzdem eine riesige Anzahl von Menschen betrifft. Aber auch wenn nicht, ist es doch ein Problem, das manche Menschen haben.

Manchmal erkennen Menschen, dass ihnen ihr Konsumverhalten ganz konkret schadet (z.B. Dommscrooling). Weil es schwer fällt, den Konsum einzuschränken machen sie irgendwann einen harten Cut, deinstallieren die betreffende App und verlagern ihr gewohntes Verhalten fortan auf eine andere App/einen anderen Dienst.

Das ist das, was ich ich in meinem Umfeld sehe. Gesprochen wird aber immer nur über die technische Seite oder Entschlüsse, mehr dies oder weniger das zu nutzen. Es scheint sich dadurch aber selten wirklich etwas zu ändern.

Ich kenne viele, die sagen, dass sie Amazon eigentlich nicht unterstützen wollen. Und doch bestellen sie alle fast alles nur über Amazon, suchen nicht mal woanders. Mir scheint es so langsam, dass "eigentlich" eines der wichtigsten oder zumindest unterschätztesten Wörter der deutschen Sprache ist. Zum Beispiel weil es Menschen ermöglicht, das Gegenteil dessen zu tun, was sie "predigen", ohne dieses Verhalten hinterfragt zu bekommen. Das Gegenteil sollte der Fall sein: "Eigentlich" sollte ersatzlos aus Sätzen gestrichen werden können, ohne deren Bedeutung bedeutend zu ändern.

Warum benutzt jemand z.B. TikTok/YT Shorts entgegen der eigenen Überzeugung, dass das dem eigenen Leben eher schadet? Die naheliegendste Antwort ist: Auf Dopaminschübe optimierter Content, der nach konsumverstärkenden Algorithmen ausgewählt wird.

Was ich, wie viele, als einen wichtigen Vorteil von Fediverse-Software finde, fungiert hier erst einmal als kontraproduktive Eigenschaft: Keine Suchtsteigernden Features – langweilig. Wenn wir es klar als Sucht einordnen, dann ist es ja auch nicht verwunderlich. Eine Droge einfach so abzusetzen erfordert sehr viel Willenskraft, und oft noch mehr: Unterstützung von anderen, eine eher stressfreie Zeit für die Umgewöhnung, vielleicht auch Ersatzstoffe. Diese ganzen Rollen kann eine Software nicht erfüllen, die höchstens als Ersatzstoff ausgelegt ist, wenn nicht sogar als etwas ganz anderes. Deshalb reicht es nicht, alternative Software und Dienst zu schaffen und zu verbreiten.

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Entry created on 2025-12-21 Authors: steeph (376) Categories: Crystals (1) Gem Stones (1) Macro (3) Photos (29) Languages used: en (257) edit

And I like macro photos. And crystals are very photogenic.

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ITAP Backlit Leaves

Entry created on 2025-12-21 Authors: steeph (376) Categories: Leaves (1) Photos (29) Plants (1) edit

I like seeing backlit leaves.

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Web Links Regarding Operating Systems

Entry created on 2025-11-30 Authors: steeph (376) Categories: Links (7) Operating Systems (24) edit
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Portable DIY CD Player

Entry created on 2025-11-28 Authors: steeph (376) Categories: CD Players (1) CD-ROM (2) Computers (22) DIY (17) Electronics (16) Music (5) edit

I've had an idea!

What if there was a CD player that you can carry around and that's completely battery powered so you don't have to plug it into anything to use it? You could even use it outside!

Here's my prototype. A DIY portable CD player.

Yes, it has a CD-ROM drive from a desktop computer. I wanted to build a player like that since I was about 16. Back then CD drives still had play buttons and volume controls. But I accidentally killed it by swapping ground and 12 V. When this one fell into my hands this year, I knew what to do.

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Film: Angela (1996)

Entry created on 2025-11-28 Authors: steeph (376) Categories: Child Neglect (1) Childhood (1) Depression (1) Mental Health (2) Run Away From Home (1) Trauma (1) edit

This is a film about the good and the bad, child neglect, illness, wrong angels, fallen angels, faith, fear, trust, self-worth vulnerability and childhood in general. I intentionally didn't include sins in this list. Angels can fall for various different reasons, including bad luck. The film uses a lot of christian metaphor. But I wouldn't call it religious as a whole.

Two sisters of roughly 9 and 5 years, a father who works a lot and a mother who cries a lot make up this poor family. The two children are amongst themselves most of the time. The older sister, Angela, takes the lead during everything they do together. She uses religious rituals to hold on to sanity and innocence, to banish the devil and to entice good angels to make her mother happy again. At home they encounter various chances of enriching their collection of traumas. During their one-day adventure of running away after their mother is hospitalised, they meet very different people for short amounts of time. In some cases you wish they had had more time to become better friends; in another case you can't believe their luck that cut their encounter short. In the end, though, they only have each other - and their trust in god.

This movie plays with the feelings of the viewer. It builds up empathy quickly, then slowly destroys any good thing that may be carried by it. It pokes at your heart, pushes it around, only gently enough to keep you watching until the end.

I think I like this film because it takes the innocent view of a child from a broken family and really uses its potential to create sad moments that this setting allows for. The ending of course is also one that leaves an impression if you're emotionally invested in the characters. Although I didn't consciously see it that way while watching, the film contrasts the careless freedom that child-like innocence can offer with harsh and dangerous reality of life. The children escape their worrisome environment, mentally and then also physically, which allows them to live this freedom that we expect children to have. But it is not in the frame of a save home.

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